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I Just love my boys!

Baby Stuff

My name is Lauren..and im obsessed with baby stuff.
I have a bad addiction at wanting stuff for them...and in the back of my mind I know that they will never know what I didnt get for them at this age.
My friend Katy had me loving consignment sells recently. We got lots of clothes hopefully for late spring and summer. It has been fun sorting through thier stuff and putting it in thier closet. I probably have been through thier stuff several times this week. At least the sales are now over until August.
I also need to start thinking about a walking stroller and high chairs. I just wish thier was some magic button to tell me which one is best for me. I get so many mixed opinions. There are certain things I want for my long term stroller: able to go on walks outside with it..adult and childen cup holders...and storage for the diaper bag. You would think with just 3 criteria it would be easy to find..but its not.
As for high chairs I cant decide between a floor standing one ..or table attaching kind.
These decisions are so complicated.

Our Boys @ 4 months

It has been a really long time since I blogged but I dont have a lot of time on my hands these day :).
The boys had thier 4 month appointment today and it went very well.
Jackson came in weighing 10.1 lbs and was 22.25 in long. Joshua came in weighing 9.3 lbs and was 22 inches long.
Thier 3rd month was a pretty exciting one for us.
*They started smiling at us for the first time and then started cooing and laughing. They are the most beautiful sights and sounds we've ever heard.
*They have also started to sleep almost through the night.
*Jackson has finally graduated to 0-3 month clothes and size 1 diapers.
*Joshua is still in Newborn diapers and clothes but it trying to catch up.
*They enjoy laying on the floor more often to kick thier legs around.
*We managed to get out of the house a couple of times this past month to go to a few stores and to visit grandparents.
* They still love thier pacifiers and are enjoying the new vanilla scented ones we got them.

The doctor said this month to lay them on the floor more often to practice rolling from side to side. He also said at 5 1/2 months to start feeding them cereal. Hes pleased with thier progress just wishes they would eat a bit more.

I have found that I love shopping for them but have to quit now haha. We started going to a few consignment sales to try and get some cheap things. The upcomming purchases will have to be high chairs and a walking stroller.

We feel blessed everyday to be thier parents.

Shutterfly

Shutterfly is giving 50 free Christmas Cards to bloggers. I dont know when we will do cards or IF we will because it just depends on the babies. But anyway, here is what I need to share:
I think I would like a collage christmas card, they seem pretty. I've used Shutterfly in the past making photo books yearly since Adam and I got married. We also make a calendar each year. Their products always turn out so nice. I plan on making the babies birth announcements with them since they have some cute twin ones.
Here are some links below to the items we used in the past.
Cute cards:
http://www.shutterfly.com/cards-stationery/holiday-cards
Calendars:http://www.shutterfly.com/calendars/wall-calendars

Nicole...I borrowed some of your links :0 )....Ill see if this works.

November 9th, 2010

Yes, November 9th, 2010 is our official delivery date at 8 am. We were excited to have it confirmed so we could officially count down.
I know I dont write on here as much as everyone would like and it will probaly will remain that way however everyone who reads this knows otherways to get information for how we are doing so please ask if you want to know something.

I have officially been in the hospital 5 weeks and 2 days and am 29 weeks and 2 days. That is beyond my halfway point and unfortunatly it recently has become harder for me. Now, I think there are several reasons for this. 1) Im sick of being in the hospital and just want my home back. 2) Its only 2 weeks and 5 days from meeting our babies yet it seems like it will never happen. I want to dig into the baby stuff. 3) Im scared now that they are so close and getting bigger that something will happen, Im worrying a lot more than I used to. I have no means to justify this worrying as everything continue to looks well. Maybe its just a mother thing. 4) The menu here is REALLY getting old. .....okay I could really go on and on. I really dont mind being by myself a lot nessicarilly even though I would rather have Adam with me all the time. I think im just sick of being here.

The babies have been doing well. We havent had another scare so that is good. Last week they did weights again and A was 2 lbs 11 oz. and B was 2 lbs 6 oz. Dr. Cassidy thinks that if I make it all the way to 32 weeks that they could be close to 4 lbs if the ultrasound is measuring accuratly (they have a 10% error rate..meaning the could weight more or less than they measure). Close to 4 lbs would be great. I talked to one of the NICU nurses who said that the hardest thing would be eating probably. Thier monitor tracings have been mostly good, every once in awhile they have a little decel but nothing consistent. Thier ultasounds have been good too. When im thinking like a smart person, Im pretty sure that they will make it all the way to 32 weeks since they have done so well...but my emotional part fears something will happen. I know one thing..Adam and I are sooo ready to meet these boys.

I have had all the steroid shots now that were needed to help with lung development. They are also going to give me a one time dose of IV magnesium before I deliver because studies have shown that it decreases risk of cerebral palsy in premature infants by 40%. I know the side effects of magnesium arent pleasent but who could turn those statistics down for thier babies. I also have been throwing contractions so im now on Procardia to help prevent them 4 x a day.

I have been making Joshua and Jacksons Christmas stockings the past few weeks. Nicole purchased a couple kits for me to do for entertainment. Two night nurses are also supposed to teach me to crochet..they bought me some yarn and hooks. They just have to find the time now haha they past few nights have been crazy out there. I had a lovely baby shower last weekend. We had a good turn out and got lots of cute things for the boys. We appreciate everyone who came out to see us.

Guess I will go for now, not making any promises but I will try and be better about updates.

And I have to say that I have an amazing husband!!

26 weeks 1 day

Well, I am definatly going stir crazy now. Its hard to stomach that theres still 6 weeks to go. I know im in the right place, it just gets hard. I miss my home and my Izzie. I miss the freedom.

Adam and I had a big scare on Saturday night into Sunday. I went on the monitor that night around 11 like every night and the boys werent looking the same. They werent showing any movement what so ever. They ended up leaving me on the monitor that night while having me drink juice and popcycles, anything with sugar. But there was never much change. That morning they called in an ultrasound tech and had L&D and NICU on hold just in case. It was crazy to think about this all. They told me if they saw anything negative in the ultrasound that I would go straight to L&D. All I could think about was Im only 25 weeks. But then it also made me realize this is why I am here. I got to ultrasound and thankfully everything ended up being okay. They left me on the monitor that day most of the day to make sure it didnt reoccur. Our parents both came down that morning for support. I think considering everything Adam and I held it together well and were ready for whatever was to come. We knew at that time it was out of our hands and were very strong for eachother. They believe what happened was.. that night I ended up with a severe migraine and they had gave me some medicine for it, well usually if it is a medicine that makes you sleepy then it makes the boys sleepy too. So they think the medicine just made them extremely sleepy and it just stayed in thier system for a long time. Its not harmful to them just makes them tired. Since that day the boys are looking great and have shown no signs of distress. I pray every night that the nurses and doctors taking care of me know what to do and will do what is best for my babies and I felt they did this weekend. I have some incredible nurses and doctors.

I had an ultrasound today and they both passed pretty fast and thier tracings still have been great. Im not able to get pictures today because thier heads are too low in my pelvis. (Makes things real comfortable.) Im glad the boys are still where they need to be and hopefully something like that doesnt happen again and if it does hopefully they will be at least 28 weeks so they have a better chance.

Other than the craziness I mentioned above nothing much has been happening. Ive been really tired since that day since it was emotionally and physically exhausting and I didnt sleep that night. Today I took at pretty long nap.

Im excited for my brothers family to come Friday, it has been giving me something to look forward too!!

Until next week....hopefully it stays quite here.

25 weeks 3 days..10 Days Inpatient

I could say that these 10 days have gone fast and when looking back they have but each and everyday has its periods when it feels like it will never come. Does that make sense?

I got a new room, it is where I will still the remainder of my time. It is a little bit bigger, has more seating, and a much nicer view. Before, I was staring at a parking garage watching people smoke there who really arent supposed to be haha. Now, I have a good view and can see some of the buildings downtown from my window. I also get to see what it actually looks like outside which helps my sanity.

My nurses have been great! I do have my favorites who I get majority of the time but at least I dont feel like any of them at all are imcompitent. And there is only a hand full of them who work this floor so its not like I have to have someone new all the time.

Adam has been great and has even stayed every night with me thus far. He tries to keep me sane. I look forward to my wheel chair rides every night with him for my change of scenery. We also play Uno and are enjoying the new start start of the fall tv shows. We all know I cant say enough about him :).

I have been doing okay. The first few days everything was going beautifully besides being stuck in a room all day. I have been having a few contractions that show up on the monitors but nothing to much or to consistnent that they are worried about as of yet. Mainly just my uterus being irritable which is common with twins. I crazily got diagnosed with gestational diabetes this week. I had my first breakdown that day. I even refused to see people haha. I think is was the cumuliation of everything: the diagnosis, being stuck in a hospital, the whole pregnancy itself not being easy..so forth. But yea I think I cried a lot that day. Since then my blood sugars have been really good each day, so today they decided that instead of 4 times a day that now I can go down to being stuck 2 times a day. That is a lot nicer. I even think if they remain really good that I can go to 3 times a week but that is still in the distant future. Since, I received steroid shots and so forth those effects could have still been lingering in my system and results in higher results. But I cant change anything and I just have to keep doing what is best for the boys. Being stuck every 3 days also isnt fun for my blood type and screen they have to keep current incase I have the emergency c-section, I have bruises galore.
I spend my day waiting on doctors to visit, doing word searches, writing down my events of the day, getting on the computer (weirdly not as often as before I was admitted)...I have also been working on a little cross stitch project of a frog which is cute. I also have received several magazines to look at. I have several projects pending in the future as I finish other ones. Some Titans players came to visit, we took pictures and they gave us posters and such. Two of everything in fact since we are having twins. Too bad they dont give away tickets haha ..guess I wouldnt be able to go anyway.

The babies are doing pretty well. They too the first few days were performing beautifully but since then they have had just a few heart decelerations. Nothing serious because they arent happening consistent enough or in a pattern (kind of like my contractions). The doctors dont have any worry at this time. They get on the monitor 3 times a day, sometimes they behave other times they like to hide hah. They also like to start kicking the monitors like crazy when they are on there. Thier ultrasound this week was good. Baby A was practicing breathing a lot and moving a lot, his heart rate was 144, and he now weighs 1 lb 11 oz. Baby B finally practiced breathing after being pushed and buzzed through my stomach, however he was moving well...his heart rate was 150 and he weighs 1 lbs 9 oz. They are moving up on the growth chart which is a good thing. I love these boys and its still hard to believe that when I leave here they will be born.

Adam and I have finally completed our registries which was fun to do for them. I also think my shower will be at the hospital since after thier born Im not going to want to go anywhere. At least I got a new room with more seating haha.

I would like to thank everyone for thier continued support and prayers. They mean a lot to Adam and I. I would also like to think my wonderful visitors: Heather, Katy and Buster, Christi, Becca, Adams parents, my parents and Teresea, Jennifer, Carly, and Aunt Gail! Also thanks for all the phone calls.

Time for me to go on the monitor..

Inpatient 24 weeks

Well, we have made it here. What a crazy and stressful last few months we have had. It sometimes seems like just yesterday at 6 weeks we found out about these miracle babies. I still remember the emotions as they never really left. We felt like yesterday was never going to come, as it was a milestone to reach. But yesterday I moved into the hospital and now we are just moving on to our next milestones and feeling blessed for each day they remain in me. Ill come back to this, let me catch you up on where I left off on my last post.

Instead of waiting the full 2 weeks to check Joshua's heart, they actually checked it the week after. Now, it was a different ultrasound tech and different doctor there that day but they didn't see the defect at that time. However, I remember asking doctor Collins if since it is so hard to find that it could possibly be missed the next time and he said their was a chance. But, we cant worry about that now. If it is present, its not going to be changing anything I'm currently doing and wont be detrimental to his health right away after birth. Adam and I plan to take them both to the cardiologist after they come home to make sure there is nothing there. But until then...as far as we know its not and that is good news.

The babies are similar in size again which is a good thing but still measuring pretty small but they don't seem to concerned with that at the moment. They are hoping me being on bed rest now that they will start to fatten up. I don't see how this is going to happen since they like to fight all day in my stomach. :)
So, that is really all that has gone on since blogging last that I feel is important in letting people finally know.

I had to say goodbye to my favorite thing ever, Izzie, on Sunday. She went to live with my parents while I'm in the hospital. I'm not going to lie, it was extremely hard to do and I miss her all the time. But, I know she will be happier there instead of waiting at home wondering when her mommy is coming back. I know she is in excellent hands so that helps ease my pain. :)

Well, I moved into the hospital on Tuesday. I love visitors because it can get boring being by yourself all day. So if you want to come see me, message me and ill let you know where I'm at. I currently get non stress test every 8 hours ranging from 20-40 minutes at a time. So far the have looked good. I had an ultrasound today and will have one every Wednesday until 28 weeks and then twice weekly thereafter. Sadly as I do not have a scanner I wont be able to post any of their cute pictures but I do have some from the last few weeks that I will post at the end of this blog. One picture today had Joshua sucking on Jackson's hand, pretty funny thing to see. I'm on bed rest but luckily its not to strict, I can sit in a chair if I want and if I need something in the room I can get up and get it and I can take showers which is GREAT. My room is really nice and big and apparently when one becomes available I get an even bigger one which I cant imagine since this one is bigger than any rooms I have ever worked in. My bed is pretty bad, its like sleeping on a cement slab haha. So I think I'm going to put an egg shell pad on it.
I have made the room my own, I brought my own blanket and pictures and so forth to make it more homey.

Adam has been great, poor guy has like 3 jobs. His real job, still taking care of the house, and being here for me and the babies. He is doing excellent though and the one thing I miss more than anything, besides Izzie and a comfy bed :), is him holding me at night. What a lame thing to say haha but it is true.

We still have a long road a head of us, we are at 24 weeks but it would be very scary still for them to be born this early even though it is possible. My goal of course is to make it to 32 weeks but I will start to feel a little more comfortable after 28 weeks. So that is still awhile away. But I am where I need to be and know that whatever happens is what is meant to be. I have had to lovely steroid injections to boost their lungs and I'm done until 30 weeks at which time I will receive a booster.

I have a lot of time on my hands now so I will try and be a better poster. Thank you for your continued prayers and thoughts and kind words. They have gotten us to this point for which we are so grateful but like I said we still have hurdles to get through to get both babies safely here. Bad things could still happen like during when I'm not monitored a cord accident could happen, but I cant dwell on this and can only think of the positive of getting both babies here safely and staying in the womb as long as possible.
I also want to say congrats to Nicole Barney who is having her baby tomorrow and wish her the best of luck!! Love you girl.
Baby A: Jackson 21 weeks


Baby B: Joshua 21 weeks


Feet:


Baby B: Joshua 22 weeks


Baby A: Jackson 23 weeks

Whirlwind

Sorry, I have gotten more than my share of messages with people worrying about me because I havent posted. Sometimes I cant think of what I need to say or how to say it or Im coping with something new I've learned.

So I have had 4 appointments since last posting. Adam and I met with a neonatologist at Baptist a couple weeks ago. She was very nice and went over several statistics with us. We got a tour around the NICU again and saw some really small babies. It's pretty amazing how small 1 pound looks. She went over everything we could possibly think of asking. Its way to much to go into detail but from what I thought would be a negative experience ended up a positive one. Also, a girl I graduated with works at that NICU and has offered to sign up to be the babies nurse when they come. I thought that was really nice and she is one that I would trust with my babies.

Later that same day, I went to see Dr. Cassidy. We went over my high risk notes that had been sent over and also talked about what the neonatologist had said. We decided that I would be admitted to the hospital at 24 weeks as discussed before and at that time I would start my steriod shots and so forth. She also informed me at that time I would be on bedrest with bathroom privledges. Wasnt expecting that much restriction but what ever is best for them. She was happy with everything else and decided she would see me every two weeks until I go into the hospital.

That Friday, I went and saw the high risk group and it was just my ultrasound day. Everything was fine.

Well, this past Friday I had my 20 week appointment with the high risk group. I had my ultrasound. Baby A whom is Jackson, was right on target. He is weighing 12 oz which is normal for 20 weeks and measuring well. There were no visible anomolies with him. He looked like a normal baby which is always good to hear.

Then, we start to look at Baby aka Joshua. He is still a little bit smaller, he is weighing 10 oz. However, the doctor is not concerned about this, he said it is expected for one to be a bit smaller and he is no where near being concerned about twin-to-twin transfusion syndrome. However, they did after close examination by the ultrasound tech and the doctor himself find that they are suspicious of a heart defect. The defect is a VSD (ventricular septal defect.) This is a hole between the left and right ventricles of the heart. There are two types: muscular and membraneous. Ours he belives is membraneous, which is the most commmon, but not the most easily treated. Apparently, if it was the muscualar kind, a lot of them heal in on thier own. Dr. Collins said this type of defect is rarley found before birth because it is so hard to locate. He said that he doesnt want to label him with a defect yet and would like to recheck it in two weeks, to see if they still see what they think they see. He didnt seem suprised however, as he said that identical twins in general carry a high risk of having some kind of defect. He was very positive and said that kids with this defect go on to have normal lives pending treatment. Therefore, if this VSD is still visible in two weeks we will be reffered to pediatric cardiology at Vanderbilt.

This finding could basically change everything.
A. Hopefully, its not there in 2 weeks. Then we can move on with our original plan of admission at 24 weeks at Baptist.
B. If it is there, then hopefully the cardiologist will think it can be evaluated after birth because hopefully it is small and not critical. That way we can still be a Baptist and deliver there and possibly transfer him after that.
C. The cardiologist could determine that this baby will already be delivered prematurley with a heart defect and therefore would need to be born into the Vandy NICU for close observation and treatment. If this is the case, I have to be admitted to Vandy and deliver there. I wouldnt know any of the doctors as the physcians currently caring for me do not have practicing privledges at Vanderbilt. So I would basically be admitted right away into a place I wasnt preparted to be, with doctors I have never met. That is scary.

This has been incredibly stressful. One for that fact is in two weeks I will be 22 weeks and am supposed to be admitted to the hospital at 24 weeks. So, are they really going to be able to get me into the cardiologist before that time to evaluate and make a decison. Adam and I have to think about both babies and will not except me not going into the hospital at 24 weeks, so they would have to figure something out. A heart defect is serious but not as serious as cord strangulation and them not surviving inside of me. So, we will demand I am in a hospital at 24 weeks. Also, through the monoamniotic website forum, I have read horror stories about Vanderbilts antepartum unit (the unit where I will be living until babies are born) and about them not paying close attention to the monitors and therefore having a pair of monoamniotic twins die. That is scary and unacceptable in my eyes. I have complete faith in the Vanderbilt Childrens but I dont have complete faith in the maternity part, which is the part that could save thier lives to begin with. I feel so comfortable with my doctors and Baptist with the care they can offer me. I just feel like this journey has been so stressful with not knowing how our babies are at any given second and feeling ok that we at least had a plan we felt comfortable with and now it is all up in the air. This all happening 3 weeks before viability. Also, the internet has freaked me out because in some articles about VSD's it can be associated with syndromes such as Down's. That scares me a lot. It wouldnt change anything in my mind or heart but it is still very scary. Now, the doctor said nothing about this, it was all internet, and me being who I am freak out about it.

All I can do right now is pray that Joshua's heart is completely fine and take each day as it comes. Because Jackson and Joshua still arent promised to me and we still have a long road ahead to get to viability and then NICU. My heart just is all over the place because all that really matters to me is that they make it hear and I get to hold them in my arms forever.

Adam and I are doing okay right now. I have had a few breakdowns since this news but I realize there is nothing I can do to change anything that is happening so I just need to look toward the positive side. I do have to say I love to feel them move in me even though sometimes it catches me of gaurd when they kick hard. It of course worries me to death when I dont feel them as often as I think I should be.

We have see Dr. Cassidy again this week and just a fast scan on Friday. Then the determining scan of the heart the following week.

Thank you so much for caring and praying for us. I think the only thing that gave me the courage to post today was the outpour of messages worrying about us since I havent posted. Thank you for your support.

19 weeks tommorrow

Sorry, yet again I haven't posted again in a a few.

So at 17 weeks we went to the high risk doctor and it was measurement day. They do measurements every 4 weeks to see how things are going. Everything seemed to look good except baby B's stomach was smaller almost by a week. We saw a new doctor that day and not sure I liked her as much. She didn't seem to worried about the size difference as of yet. She did some math equation about when they start to worry about it when they are 1% different and ours are like .9% different. In my head, I'm like that's awfully close. But she was kind of awkward to talk to her so I didn't bother. I will wait until we see one of the other ones. They each weighed 6 oz and something. Its crazy to think of how small that is. So other than that size difference everything looked okay. We will wait for the big scan which is a 20 weeks to see if there is any difference.

Adam and I also celebrated our anniversary on July 31st! Its been an amazing 2 years and now we are expecting 2 babies. I cant imagine loving a man more than I love him. He is my rock and strength and I love him so much. He also had this past week off which was nice to have him at home. We finally had a closet built in our upstairs bonus room which will be nice to have extra storage. He worked hard at painting the closet all week but it turned out nice. Now we just need to add some shelves and it will be complete. He also finished planting in our yard. We had dug up plants we didn't like on one side of the house and it had been bare for months. So, it finally has flowers in it and looks really nice. It was sad because I couldn't do very much. So we stayed home majority of the time but that can be nice in its own way.

Adam and I went back to the doctor on Friday. The tech who was doing the ultrasound this time was the same as last weeks. She is a bit odd but she loves looking at our twins. She will just sit their and wait to get a good picture of them, its so funny. Unfortunately, they always don't look as good printed though. We leave with like 15 each time though, we are getting tons of pictures. That's not bad though. The babies looked good and their heart rates were good. So that was nice. There was a clump of cords off to the side however but she didn't seem to think they were in a knot, she just seemed to think they were clumped there. They were moving around a lot and very active.

I would also like to thank all of those people who having been reaching out to me. They come from places I didn't expect and I really appreciate it. It sometimes saddens me when I don't here from the people I thought I was closest too. But I also realize that some don't understand exactly what is going on and don't know how to respond to the situation and that's okay. I'm overwhelmed by the support I have gotten from my first nursing job at 8 South! I just have gotten the sweetest messages from them and it means a lot to us. I'm also grateful for everyone who responds on here, just seeing positive words gives me more hope. Its getting harder the further I get along knowing that we are so close but that something could still happen at any second. It is the most emotionally challenging thing I could ever go through. But I'm trying my best.

We have 3 appointments this week. Wednesday we go back to Dr. Cassidy's and we meet with a neonatologist. Then Friday I got back to the high risk group. So it will be a busy one.

baby A:


baby B:


And!!!
Adam and I have finally named our two precious boys. They are Jackson Luke and Joshua Logan!! Whoever comes out first will be Jackson. We asked what the babies thought and this is what they showed us:


We thought it was so neat that we got one of them giving us a thumbs up! We also saw them sucking thier thumbs this week. We love our little ones!

Gender/Marvelous Multiples

Hi!
Sorry I didn't post last week, sometimes I'm just to lazy honestly. First, we saw Dr. Cassidy on that Thursday. She did a scan and the heart beats were fine. There wasn't much to discuss at this point in time. She agreed with the plan to visit the MFM group weekly. She had a different attitude this visit. We have always liked her but I guess you could say she was a lot my genuine this time and liked looking at the babies and so forth. I will see her again in 3 weeks. At that time I believe I will be 19 weeks and so we will probably discuss the future at that time.
That Friday, I went back to MFM and had my mom go with me since Adam couldn't. Everything looked fine again.

So, a week later, the Friday I went back. Everything looked good again. Their heart beats were like 150 and 147. They seem to have stayed in basically the same positions for the past few weeks. One of them is above the other but head to foot. Actually, at one point the top one was using the other one as a seat which was funny. It was just a brief scan to check for viability. At next weeks appointment, they I believe are supposed to measure again and so forth. So that will be nice to see if they are growing well.

Also, that night was marvelous multiples, a class geared just for multiples. It was interesting because a lot of the ones there were first time moms to having twins. Their were several identical and fraternal twin boys in the group and two pairs of boy/girl fraternal twins. I thought that was crazy. No twins like mine though of course. The class was good though, it encouraged a lot especially about breastfeeding saying it is perfectly possible. It also gave you a bunch a lenghty phamplets and stuff about it and recommendations. That was nice. They also gave you a bunch of tips: such at schooling (same class or different), photos separately when their born (so that in high school when they need a picture, they have an individual one), choosing a color pattern for each so that when you look back on photos you know who is who according to what color pattern you gave them. Just tons of useful information and lots a things to read. It gave me a sheet of must haves and the amounts to survive the first 3 months. We toured the NICU which was a neat experience. The teacher also let me see the antepartum unit which is where Ill stay for a lenghty period of time before the babies are born.

Last night, I was going to post as usual since it was Sunday but I was pretty ill all day yesterday. I'm not going to go into details in what was going on but I was miserable. I also had this pain start running in my L groin area down my leg. Its so weird and at times I have to limp. It worries me when I start feeling so horrible. I know my body was stressed yesterday and my reactions such as crying and so forth just added to it. It worries me not for myself but that somehow I'm harming my babies. I know they know when your stressed or your body is. I just hope I didn't harm them in anyway because their environment is stressful enough.

Its crazy the further you are in this pregnancy the more you have to start looking at the future and the more it scares you that something could still very possibly happen. I have trying to work on the more positive side such as looking at baby stuff and making plans. But sometimes the other side just comes in and its hard.

Some of you already know this but it was confirmed that we are expecting: BOYS!
So that means 98% of us were wrong haha. Its crazy we started learning of this possibility last week but was confirmed this past one. They were not shy about showing their business. We are very excited. NO we don't have names as of yet. We like several but none are completely convincing us yet. We had the girls names picked out because that was easy haha but boys names seem to be harder. Its turning out the Stuart side of the family is just going to be a bunch of boys hehe. And we will have to wait and see what Nicole is having for the Borders side. At least Charles will be excited for boys :).

Well, yet again another appointment on Friday. Thanks again for everyone who is praying and thinking of us each day. It means a lot.

And the Gender is??

14 weeks 5 days

Hello,
So, back to the doctor I went on Friday. We had an ultrasound first which was supposed to be just a limited one, meaning checking for a heart beat and such, but it still was like 20 minutes. The babies were moving around but not as crazy as last week thank goodness. Thier heart rates were 148 and 150, so similar to last week. They were all streched out from thier head to their toes. Thier legs looked so long, it was the first time we had really seen them because they are usually bent. It was neat to see. For the first time ever the doctor didnt come in during the ultrasound so we were put in an exam room. We saw the same doctor as last week which was good because it makes things a little bit more consistent. It still amazes me how little a physcian doesnt want to sugar coat anything. I figured since this is the first time sitting down with him, instead of before when they are just staring at the ultrasound, I would take advantage of it and just start asking tons of questions. Poor guy, it probably was 30 minutes of my questions when all he needed to tell me was everything looked fine this week. But listen to these questions and some of his responses. (We do really like him and all of our doctors, they are just very to the point.)

1. So, is the reason you want to see me weekly mainly to make sure that thier hearts are still beating? (He had just told us to make the next 3 appointments so the schedule wouldnt fill up.)

Response: Yes, we feel that we need to make sure they are viable each week because if something were to happen we would like to take care of it as soon as possible so you can move on with your lives and try again.

Ouch, like I said straght to the point..now you know why im nervous btw each ultrasound.

2. If one baby dies, will the other one?

Response: In this situation, in most cases yes. They share all vascular systems so when one passes it influxes to the other killing it as well. (This could vary after the babies are viable, but for now that is the scenario.)

3. Have you seen many successes?

Response: Yes, I have seen successes but on the other hand I have seen failures as well.
(Did I ask about your failures?)

4. Is there ever a point when Im any safer?

Response: No. This is a complicated situation. Right now the babies are so fragile and so cord problems happen a lot but on the other hand once the cords are knotted and they are growing, as the cords grow and get thicker, the tighter the knots get causing restriction. Its really a day to day thing and one week they could be fine and the next not. There is just not good research with how rare these kind of multiples are to suggest otherwise at this time.

I asked lots of other questions too. But you can kind of see why I leave feeling emotional at times. He made good suggestions like meeting with a neonatologist prior to making a hospital admission date ranging from 24-28 weeks. That way we can learn about the differences in the weeks and so forth. But like I said we do really like them but man do they really hold nothing back. He did in confidence give us some information about what would be different at Vanderbilt which made since from Adam and I working there. (He only did this because I kept prying into why his whole group left.)

I have been trying to be more positive and I think I have been somewhat better but when you really think of them its so hard when you feel like natures forces in the body are against the situation.
I asked many other numerous questions and at least I felt like he was trying to answer them honestly and I didnt feel like he was trying to rush out on me. Which means a lot.

I cant bring myself still to do anything for them. (i.e, registry, thinking about the nursery) I dont know how I even feel about a shower at this point. I hear about some people doing them after the babies are born in certain situations or even during my hospital stay. But who knows, right now things are just so early and everything is scary.

My migraines have been going absolutly crazy. I mean the worst ever I think. I went and got nerve blocks recently but they prove to not be working. They left me in bed all day Saturday and most of today.

Well, I see Dr. Cassidy on Thursday and back to the high risk group on Friday.

So the picture below is of baby A. You cant see the head very well but u can see how the legs are all the way streched out. So cute.




This is baby B. Much better picture than last week.

Monoamniotic factoids

Hey,
I found thses on another blog, so I thought I would share. My next appointment is Friday and im already getting anxious, so pray for us. I also signed us up for a class on July 23. Its Marvelous Multiples.

Monoamniotic factoids

*Monoamniotic twins are always identical
*Monoamniotic twins are the result of a late splitting egg; one that split around 8-12 days after fertilization
*Monoamniotic twins only occur in 1% of twins
*Monoamniotic twins share a placenta and amniotic sac which means they have skin to skin contact
*Monoamniotic twins are considered extremely high risk because of the risk of cord compression leading to fetal death as a result of umbilical cord entanglement
*Monoamniotic twins are always delivered by C-Section
*Monoamniotic twins are usually delivered between 32-34 weeks gestation because the risks of staying in utero are greater than the risks associated with a premature birth
*75% of monoamniotic twins are girls
*inpatient monitoring at viability yeilds the greatest success rates

13 weeks 5 days

Hi,
So it has been a rough few days for me. I guess I will have my good days and my bad days.

We went back to the doctor on Friday. They babies were doing OK. They were moving around everywhere and flipping like crazy. Normally, this would be cute but this only means they are getting their cords tangled. They confirmed that there is defiantly no membrane now. They spent some time looking for the cord insertion into the to placenta. They ended up being right on top of each other which isn't ideal. Its better if they are further apart. I don't know all of the reasoning behind this. He again talked about some of the risk which is really getting old. And I don't know how many times I have to hear, "We just have to hope that a higher power has a plan for them." It never feels reassuring when a physician says something like that and yet I've heard it from all of them. It makes me feel like, its going to take a miracle to get through this. Which I know it is but its another thing to keep hearing it from your doctors. I mean I guess I don't want them to sugar coat stuff either. We had also asked him about the referral thing and was very nice about it but he said that Dr. Cassidy would have to be the one to make it because they just act as her consultants. That made since to me, so I guess I will just have to wait and talk to her. I'm on nerve everyday but its worse going into the appointments. You can just see me, I'm sitting there not doing anything, shaking my legs, palms sweaty, heart pounding, my IBS starts to flare....and finally I see their heart beats and I calm down some. Its nice being seen every week but the co pays really start to add up, but its worth it to see them. I go back again Friday to see them and then I may start alternating each week with them and Dr. Cassidy. I posted two pictures below. On the bottom of each picture it will say A or B. They are too big and move to much to be in the same shot anymore. I had several good shots of baby A but baby B didn't have to many. B was moving around a lot though so that probably why s/he didn't put on a good photo shoot. A's heart rate was 150 and B's heart rate was 147. They were lower this week but still normal. So now Adam thinks their boys because the heart rates are lower.

I don't know what happened but right after the appointment and still today I have had the roughest time. Its like hearing what they say, it doesn't really make me feel better. I got into the feeling like I already felt doomed. And I don't want any criticism about this. I read the MoMo boards and have realized people who are going through exactly what I'm going through go through the same emotions. I know its not over till its over but when you see them getting so big on the screen and changing, it gets REALLY difficult to think you may have to part with them. I have just been really tearful the past few days and just not wanting to do anything. I didn't want to go anywhere because I felt like a lose cannon who could just explode with emotion at any second. I wish this feeling would pass. Its so hard. I hate more than anything in the world having these negative thoughts. I guess it makes it harder when you cant feel them. Maybe once I can feel them and know there in there, it can give me some relief. I have even been on the MoMo boards (they have different categories in which you can post in) and was looking at the loss forum thinking its already happened to me. This is horribly sad I know and I feel crazy. But like I said please don't post a comment beating me up about that, I already feel bad enough.
I can only hope for a better next few days and another okay report on Friday.

I continue to thank you for your support and prayers. I thank heavenly father every night for the support I have.
I love my babies more than anything in this world and I want to be a stronger person for them!

Update

Well, I know it has been awhile. It is hard to get to typing about everything when your already telling several people by mouth as it is.

At my second appointment with Dr. Cassidy last week everything was fine. She checked the babies heart beats real fast and both were in the 160's again. I had also asked her about what the ultrasound tech had said previously and she stated that it is their job to do those screenings so probably just wanted to know if I would be seeing her the next week and give me some information. Then she said but there is still the false positives with twins and your young so I am at really low risk. So Adam and I decided against any testing at this time. I'm worried enough, I don't need false positives. She also checked my progesterone levels and they came back great. So therefore she took me off the progesterone pill. I thought this would help with my nausea and so forth but it almost seems to have gotten worse. Odd. She said she wouldn't need to see me for 4 weeks since during that time I would be evaluated by the high risk doctors.

So, I also saw the high risk doctor on Wednesday this week. They do stuff differently, they ultrasound the whole time and the doctor is in the room watching and talking. Its hard to watch the ultrasound though when your trying to talk to the doctor. She had to go over all the risk with me again. This was a bummer to here all over. She still gave the 50% chance of making it but reported that she has fortunately seen more successes than failures. It is just unfortunately out of their hands until they are viable. She said most of the deaths that she sees are before 20 weeks. She said this is due to the cords still being flimsy and therefore making them easier to bend and tangle because they are not as durable. She said they will continue to thinking as they age and eventually become durable kind of like a water hose. She said also since they get bigger their is less room for them to move around in and so less problems occur. She said she admits at 26 weeks to the hospital instead of 24 because if in the off chance I went into labor at 24 weeks a lot of neonatologist are less likely to save the babies do to long term problems and issues. She also said she wanted to see me at least once a week from now on. The babies heart rates were still in the 160's so maybe that is where they are going to level out at. They were also fighting. It was so funny they were just punching at each other in my stomach. It was hard to believe it was going on inside of me. On the down side I lost another 4 lbs. She also is charting me at 12 weeks so Im going to go with that. I puts me a few days further along. And I should agree with what she says because she will be basing my care off of my due date. So that makes me happy.

I'm glad to have gone to them especially since Dr. Cassidy only wanted to see me every 3-4 weeks. And now they want to see me every week now. I'm glad for that. The doctor was so good because she said please feel free to write down questions and bring them with you. Now that I left I have several.

I'm also struggling with possibly having to switch to Vanderbilt High Risk doctors. I was good and tried to call and set up a consultation and they said my high risk doctor had to refer me over. I think this is stupid if you are just wanting to meet with the doctor and here what they have to say. I mean it sounds silly to me to say to my brand new doctor, Can I have a referral somewhere else and I may possibly still come back to you if I don't like what they have to say?...That's lame. I'm at a loss. This is stressful.

Unfortunately, Ive been sick.. hense me still losing weight. Its getting pretty annoying especially the middle of the night sessions. My migraines have gotten horrid too. I think I will try to see my neurologist in the upcoming weeks.

In other news I had a nice outing with my mother in law and sister in law. It was nice to get out for a little bit. Thanks for everything!

Well, I see the doctor again on Friday so I will be in touch.
We still thank you for everyone praying for us, it means so much.
I love you my babies.

10 Weeks and Counting

Hi!
So, the past week has been so busy. I have been feeling sick a lot. I think my doctors nurse is getting sick of me calling haha. I call her all the time. But, I have these horrible pains that just don't seem to be right. I know you are supposed to feel some stuff but they have been really bad and really stressing me out. I even post on the MoMo forum and no one reports having these same pains as me, so I think that scared me even more.

Last night, I started feeling horrible again. So this morning I insisted on going to the doctor. Everything turned out OK but its just I guess a bit overwhelming. I almost feel like I cant trust my own instincts about something being wrong. Even though I'm ecstatic that things are fine. I'm not sure how I feel about the ultrasound tech at the office. During, the scans she goes from being nice to a bit well odd. She is the one insisting that I do not have a membrane and its not possible. And today after she told me everything is looking fine, she out of no where asked if I was having the nucheal scan done on the babies at week 12. I thought that was odd because it came out of no where. I guess Ill ask Dr. Cassidy on Thursday if I should be concerned about that. For those who don't know that test scans for Down Syndrome and is performed by an ultrasound as well. So now I am paranoid about this. I'm just a paranoid person.

I'm trying to also figure out when to call Vanderbilt. Do to the fact I may have to spend months in the hospital, we may have to switch all of my care over to them. I don't want to do this until I know for sure that I like and trust them, so I would need to meet them first and see if their game plans match up. I will hate to switch everything in a pregnancy like this but since Adam works there it will be cheaper. Has anyone delivered there or have any words of advice? I see Dr. Cassidy again on Thursday and then I meet with the high risk doctors at Baptist for the first time next Wednesday.

I'm trying to remain positive. I talk a lot more about the future and them being here with us. I love them so much already, its so unreal. Its still hard to believe that the pictures or video shown on the screen during the ultrasound is growing and beating inside of me.

On the other hand! I had a wonderful weekend watching Charles. He was a good distraction for me and so well behaved. Adam and I took him to the park at the Red Caboose park and let him stand on the real caboose they have there. He had a good time even though he wouldn't play with the little boy following him around everywhere. It was so sad haha the little boy was trying so hard to play with him. I think I watched Cars 10 times this weekend. It kind of reminds me of my cousin Whittaker at that age when he would memorize the whole Toy Story movie. When Charlie and Nicole came back we went to eat along with my parents at the Loveless Cafe. It was good. Then we played the Wii some. I wish they were closer by!

I'm so glad that so glad that I get to experience this process with Nicole. I think it will be so wonderful that we will have kids the same age and watch them grow together. I think it makes things so special. I love my family.

Adam was such a good support this weekend even if I don't always tell him because I'm to busy freaking out. He sent me a text message this morning before my ultrasound. He wrote, I love you. I'm scared, but I'm hopeful too. Just remember that they are our miracle babies. ...Hes amazing and these are our miracle babies and I cant wait to hold them in my arms. Below is the picture I got today. Kind of funny since on of the babies faces is resting on the others bottom. Today the heart rates were 164 and 167. Until next time.

Our Babies @ 8 weeks.

They started to look like humans this time. They were so cute and look to be holding hands! There heart rates were 170 and 171.

Our Babies about 6 weeks.

Its amazing how much they grew in one week! Heart rates this week were 120 and 135.