Inpatient 24 weeks

Well, we have made it here. What a crazy and stressful last few months we have had. It sometimes seems like just yesterday at 6 weeks we found out about these miracle babies. I still remember the emotions as they never really left. We felt like yesterday was never going to come, as it was a milestone to reach. But yesterday I moved into the hospital and now we are just moving on to our next milestones and feeling blessed for each day they remain in me. Ill come back to this, let me catch you up on where I left off on my last post.

Instead of waiting the full 2 weeks to check Joshua's heart, they actually checked it the week after. Now, it was a different ultrasound tech and different doctor there that day but they didn't see the defect at that time. However, I remember asking doctor Collins if since it is so hard to find that it could possibly be missed the next time and he said their was a chance. But, we cant worry about that now. If it is present, its not going to be changing anything I'm currently doing and wont be detrimental to his health right away after birth. Adam and I plan to take them both to the cardiologist after they come home to make sure there is nothing there. But until then...as far as we know its not and that is good news.

The babies are similar in size again which is a good thing but still measuring pretty small but they don't seem to concerned with that at the moment. They are hoping me being on bed rest now that they will start to fatten up. I don't see how this is going to happen since they like to fight all day in my stomach. :)
So, that is really all that has gone on since blogging last that I feel is important in letting people finally know.

I had to say goodbye to my favorite thing ever, Izzie, on Sunday. She went to live with my parents while I'm in the hospital. I'm not going to lie, it was extremely hard to do and I miss her all the time. But, I know she will be happier there instead of waiting at home wondering when her mommy is coming back. I know she is in excellent hands so that helps ease my pain. :)

Well, I moved into the hospital on Tuesday. I love visitors because it can get boring being by yourself all day. So if you want to come see me, message me and ill let you know where I'm at. I currently get non stress test every 8 hours ranging from 20-40 minutes at a time. So far the have looked good. I had an ultrasound today and will have one every Wednesday until 28 weeks and then twice weekly thereafter. Sadly as I do not have a scanner I wont be able to post any of their cute pictures but I do have some from the last few weeks that I will post at the end of this blog. One picture today had Joshua sucking on Jackson's hand, pretty funny thing to see. I'm on bed rest but luckily its not to strict, I can sit in a chair if I want and if I need something in the room I can get up and get it and I can take showers which is GREAT. My room is really nice and big and apparently when one becomes available I get an even bigger one which I cant imagine since this one is bigger than any rooms I have ever worked in. My bed is pretty bad, its like sleeping on a cement slab haha. So I think I'm going to put an egg shell pad on it.
I have made the room my own, I brought my own blanket and pictures and so forth to make it more homey.

Adam has been great, poor guy has like 3 jobs. His real job, still taking care of the house, and being here for me and the babies. He is doing excellent though and the one thing I miss more than anything, besides Izzie and a comfy bed :), is him holding me at night. What a lame thing to say haha but it is true.

We still have a long road a head of us, we are at 24 weeks but it would be very scary still for them to be born this early even though it is possible. My goal of course is to make it to 32 weeks but I will start to feel a little more comfortable after 28 weeks. So that is still awhile away. But I am where I need to be and know that whatever happens is what is meant to be. I have had to lovely steroid injections to boost their lungs and I'm done until 30 weeks at which time I will receive a booster.

I have a lot of time on my hands now so I will try and be a better poster. Thank you for your continued prayers and thoughts and kind words. They have gotten us to this point for which we are so grateful but like I said we still have hurdles to get through to get both babies safely here. Bad things could still happen like during when I'm not monitored a cord accident could happen, but I cant dwell on this and can only think of the positive of getting both babies here safely and staying in the womb as long as possible.
I also want to say congrats to Nicole Barney who is having her baby tomorrow and wish her the best of luck!! Love you girl.
Baby A: Jackson 21 weeks


Baby B: Joshua 21 weeks


Feet:


Baby B: Joshua 22 weeks


Baby A: Jackson 23 weeks

Whirlwind

Sorry, I have gotten more than my share of messages with people worrying about me because I havent posted. Sometimes I cant think of what I need to say or how to say it or Im coping with something new I've learned.

So I have had 4 appointments since last posting. Adam and I met with a neonatologist at Baptist a couple weeks ago. She was very nice and went over several statistics with us. We got a tour around the NICU again and saw some really small babies. It's pretty amazing how small 1 pound looks. She went over everything we could possibly think of asking. Its way to much to go into detail but from what I thought would be a negative experience ended up a positive one. Also, a girl I graduated with works at that NICU and has offered to sign up to be the babies nurse when they come. I thought that was really nice and she is one that I would trust with my babies.

Later that same day, I went to see Dr. Cassidy. We went over my high risk notes that had been sent over and also talked about what the neonatologist had said. We decided that I would be admitted to the hospital at 24 weeks as discussed before and at that time I would start my steriod shots and so forth. She also informed me at that time I would be on bedrest with bathroom privledges. Wasnt expecting that much restriction but what ever is best for them. She was happy with everything else and decided she would see me every two weeks until I go into the hospital.

That Friday, I went and saw the high risk group and it was just my ultrasound day. Everything was fine.

Well, this past Friday I had my 20 week appointment with the high risk group. I had my ultrasound. Baby A whom is Jackson, was right on target. He is weighing 12 oz which is normal for 20 weeks and measuring well. There were no visible anomolies with him. He looked like a normal baby which is always good to hear.

Then, we start to look at Baby aka Joshua. He is still a little bit smaller, he is weighing 10 oz. However, the doctor is not concerned about this, he said it is expected for one to be a bit smaller and he is no where near being concerned about twin-to-twin transfusion syndrome. However, they did after close examination by the ultrasound tech and the doctor himself find that they are suspicious of a heart defect. The defect is a VSD (ventricular septal defect.) This is a hole between the left and right ventricles of the heart. There are two types: muscular and membraneous. Ours he belives is membraneous, which is the most commmon, but not the most easily treated. Apparently, if it was the muscualar kind, a lot of them heal in on thier own. Dr. Collins said this type of defect is rarley found before birth because it is so hard to locate. He said that he doesnt want to label him with a defect yet and would like to recheck it in two weeks, to see if they still see what they think they see. He didnt seem suprised however, as he said that identical twins in general carry a high risk of having some kind of defect. He was very positive and said that kids with this defect go on to have normal lives pending treatment. Therefore, if this VSD is still visible in two weeks we will be reffered to pediatric cardiology at Vanderbilt.

This finding could basically change everything.
A. Hopefully, its not there in 2 weeks. Then we can move on with our original plan of admission at 24 weeks at Baptist.
B. If it is there, then hopefully the cardiologist will think it can be evaluated after birth because hopefully it is small and not critical. That way we can still be a Baptist and deliver there and possibly transfer him after that.
C. The cardiologist could determine that this baby will already be delivered prematurley with a heart defect and therefore would need to be born into the Vandy NICU for close observation and treatment. If this is the case, I have to be admitted to Vandy and deliver there. I wouldnt know any of the doctors as the physcians currently caring for me do not have practicing privledges at Vanderbilt. So I would basically be admitted right away into a place I wasnt preparted to be, with doctors I have never met. That is scary.

This has been incredibly stressful. One for that fact is in two weeks I will be 22 weeks and am supposed to be admitted to the hospital at 24 weeks. So, are they really going to be able to get me into the cardiologist before that time to evaluate and make a decison. Adam and I have to think about both babies and will not except me not going into the hospital at 24 weeks, so they would have to figure something out. A heart defect is serious but not as serious as cord strangulation and them not surviving inside of me. So, we will demand I am in a hospital at 24 weeks. Also, through the monoamniotic website forum, I have read horror stories about Vanderbilts antepartum unit (the unit where I will be living until babies are born) and about them not paying close attention to the monitors and therefore having a pair of monoamniotic twins die. That is scary and unacceptable in my eyes. I have complete faith in the Vanderbilt Childrens but I dont have complete faith in the maternity part, which is the part that could save thier lives to begin with. I feel so comfortable with my doctors and Baptist with the care they can offer me. I just feel like this journey has been so stressful with not knowing how our babies are at any given second and feeling ok that we at least had a plan we felt comfortable with and now it is all up in the air. This all happening 3 weeks before viability. Also, the internet has freaked me out because in some articles about VSD's it can be associated with syndromes such as Down's. That scares me a lot. It wouldnt change anything in my mind or heart but it is still very scary. Now, the doctor said nothing about this, it was all internet, and me being who I am freak out about it.

All I can do right now is pray that Joshua's heart is completely fine and take each day as it comes. Because Jackson and Joshua still arent promised to me and we still have a long road ahead to get to viability and then NICU. My heart just is all over the place because all that really matters to me is that they make it hear and I get to hold them in my arms forever.

Adam and I are doing okay right now. I have had a few breakdowns since this news but I realize there is nothing I can do to change anything that is happening so I just need to look toward the positive side. I do have to say I love to feel them move in me even though sometimes it catches me of gaurd when they kick hard. It of course worries me to death when I dont feel them as often as I think I should be.

We have see Dr. Cassidy again this week and just a fast scan on Friday. Then the determining scan of the heart the following week.

Thank you so much for caring and praying for us. I think the only thing that gave me the courage to post today was the outpour of messages worrying about us since I havent posted. Thank you for your support.

19 weeks tommorrow

Sorry, yet again I haven't posted again in a a few.

So at 17 weeks we went to the high risk doctor and it was measurement day. They do measurements every 4 weeks to see how things are going. Everything seemed to look good except baby B's stomach was smaller almost by a week. We saw a new doctor that day and not sure I liked her as much. She didn't seem to worried about the size difference as of yet. She did some math equation about when they start to worry about it when they are 1% different and ours are like .9% different. In my head, I'm like that's awfully close. But she was kind of awkward to talk to her so I didn't bother. I will wait until we see one of the other ones. They each weighed 6 oz and something. Its crazy to think of how small that is. So other than that size difference everything looked okay. We will wait for the big scan which is a 20 weeks to see if there is any difference.

Adam and I also celebrated our anniversary on July 31st! Its been an amazing 2 years and now we are expecting 2 babies. I cant imagine loving a man more than I love him. He is my rock and strength and I love him so much. He also had this past week off which was nice to have him at home. We finally had a closet built in our upstairs bonus room which will be nice to have extra storage. He worked hard at painting the closet all week but it turned out nice. Now we just need to add some shelves and it will be complete. He also finished planting in our yard. We had dug up plants we didn't like on one side of the house and it had been bare for months. So, it finally has flowers in it and looks really nice. It was sad because I couldn't do very much. So we stayed home majority of the time but that can be nice in its own way.

Adam and I went back to the doctor on Friday. The tech who was doing the ultrasound this time was the same as last weeks. She is a bit odd but she loves looking at our twins. She will just sit their and wait to get a good picture of them, its so funny. Unfortunately, they always don't look as good printed though. We leave with like 15 each time though, we are getting tons of pictures. That's not bad though. The babies looked good and their heart rates were good. So that was nice. There was a clump of cords off to the side however but she didn't seem to think they were in a knot, she just seemed to think they were clumped there. They were moving around a lot and very active.

I would also like to thank all of those people who having been reaching out to me. They come from places I didn't expect and I really appreciate it. It sometimes saddens me when I don't here from the people I thought I was closest too. But I also realize that some don't understand exactly what is going on and don't know how to respond to the situation and that's okay. I'm overwhelmed by the support I have gotten from my first nursing job at 8 South! I just have gotten the sweetest messages from them and it means a lot to us. I'm also grateful for everyone who responds on here, just seeing positive words gives me more hope. Its getting harder the further I get along knowing that we are so close but that something could still happen at any second. It is the most emotionally challenging thing I could ever go through. But I'm trying my best.

We have 3 appointments this week. Wednesday we go back to Dr. Cassidy's and we meet with a neonatologist. Then Friday I got back to the high risk group. So it will be a busy one.

baby A:


baby B:


And!!!
Adam and I have finally named our two precious boys. They are Jackson Luke and Joshua Logan!! Whoever comes out first will be Jackson. We asked what the babies thought and this is what they showed us:


We thought it was so neat that we got one of them giving us a thumbs up! We also saw them sucking thier thumbs this week. We love our little ones!

Gender/Marvelous Multiples

Hi!
Sorry I didn't post last week, sometimes I'm just to lazy honestly. First, we saw Dr. Cassidy on that Thursday. She did a scan and the heart beats were fine. There wasn't much to discuss at this point in time. She agreed with the plan to visit the MFM group weekly. She had a different attitude this visit. We have always liked her but I guess you could say she was a lot my genuine this time and liked looking at the babies and so forth. I will see her again in 3 weeks. At that time I believe I will be 19 weeks and so we will probably discuss the future at that time.
That Friday, I went back to MFM and had my mom go with me since Adam couldn't. Everything looked fine again.

So, a week later, the Friday I went back. Everything looked good again. Their heart beats were like 150 and 147. They seem to have stayed in basically the same positions for the past few weeks. One of them is above the other but head to foot. Actually, at one point the top one was using the other one as a seat which was funny. It was just a brief scan to check for viability. At next weeks appointment, they I believe are supposed to measure again and so forth. So that will be nice to see if they are growing well.

Also, that night was marvelous multiples, a class geared just for multiples. It was interesting because a lot of the ones there were first time moms to having twins. Their were several identical and fraternal twin boys in the group and two pairs of boy/girl fraternal twins. I thought that was crazy. No twins like mine though of course. The class was good though, it encouraged a lot especially about breastfeeding saying it is perfectly possible. It also gave you a bunch a lenghty phamplets and stuff about it and recommendations. That was nice. They also gave you a bunch of tips: such at schooling (same class or different), photos separately when their born (so that in high school when they need a picture, they have an individual one), choosing a color pattern for each so that when you look back on photos you know who is who according to what color pattern you gave them. Just tons of useful information and lots a things to read. It gave me a sheet of must haves and the amounts to survive the first 3 months. We toured the NICU which was a neat experience. The teacher also let me see the antepartum unit which is where Ill stay for a lenghty period of time before the babies are born.

Last night, I was going to post as usual since it was Sunday but I was pretty ill all day yesterday. I'm not going to go into details in what was going on but I was miserable. I also had this pain start running in my L groin area down my leg. Its so weird and at times I have to limp. It worries me when I start feeling so horrible. I know my body was stressed yesterday and my reactions such as crying and so forth just added to it. It worries me not for myself but that somehow I'm harming my babies. I know they know when your stressed or your body is. I just hope I didn't harm them in anyway because their environment is stressful enough.

Its crazy the further you are in this pregnancy the more you have to start looking at the future and the more it scares you that something could still very possibly happen. I have trying to work on the more positive side such as looking at baby stuff and making plans. But sometimes the other side just comes in and its hard.

Some of you already know this but it was confirmed that we are expecting: BOYS!
So that means 98% of us were wrong haha. Its crazy we started learning of this possibility last week but was confirmed this past one. They were not shy about showing their business. We are very excited. NO we don't have names as of yet. We like several but none are completely convincing us yet. We had the girls names picked out because that was easy haha but boys names seem to be harder. Its turning out the Stuart side of the family is just going to be a bunch of boys hehe. And we will have to wait and see what Nicole is having for the Borders side. At least Charles will be excited for boys :).

Well, yet again another appointment on Friday. Thanks again for everyone who is praying and thinking of us each day. It means a lot.

And the Gender is??

14 weeks 5 days

Hello,
So, back to the doctor I went on Friday. We had an ultrasound first which was supposed to be just a limited one, meaning checking for a heart beat and such, but it still was like 20 minutes. The babies were moving around but not as crazy as last week thank goodness. Thier heart rates were 148 and 150, so similar to last week. They were all streched out from thier head to their toes. Thier legs looked so long, it was the first time we had really seen them because they are usually bent. It was neat to see. For the first time ever the doctor didnt come in during the ultrasound so we were put in an exam room. We saw the same doctor as last week which was good because it makes things a little bit more consistent. It still amazes me how little a physcian doesnt want to sugar coat anything. I figured since this is the first time sitting down with him, instead of before when they are just staring at the ultrasound, I would take advantage of it and just start asking tons of questions. Poor guy, it probably was 30 minutes of my questions when all he needed to tell me was everything looked fine this week. But listen to these questions and some of his responses. (We do really like him and all of our doctors, they are just very to the point.)

1. So, is the reason you want to see me weekly mainly to make sure that thier hearts are still beating? (He had just told us to make the next 3 appointments so the schedule wouldnt fill up.)

Response: Yes, we feel that we need to make sure they are viable each week because if something were to happen we would like to take care of it as soon as possible so you can move on with your lives and try again.

Ouch, like I said straght to the point..now you know why im nervous btw each ultrasound.

2. If one baby dies, will the other one?

Response: In this situation, in most cases yes. They share all vascular systems so when one passes it influxes to the other killing it as well. (This could vary after the babies are viable, but for now that is the scenario.)

3. Have you seen many successes?

Response: Yes, I have seen successes but on the other hand I have seen failures as well.
(Did I ask about your failures?)

4. Is there ever a point when Im any safer?

Response: No. This is a complicated situation. Right now the babies are so fragile and so cord problems happen a lot but on the other hand once the cords are knotted and they are growing, as the cords grow and get thicker, the tighter the knots get causing restriction. Its really a day to day thing and one week they could be fine and the next not. There is just not good research with how rare these kind of multiples are to suggest otherwise at this time.

I asked lots of other questions too. But you can kind of see why I leave feeling emotional at times. He made good suggestions like meeting with a neonatologist prior to making a hospital admission date ranging from 24-28 weeks. That way we can learn about the differences in the weeks and so forth. But like I said we do really like them but man do they really hold nothing back. He did in confidence give us some information about what would be different at Vanderbilt which made since from Adam and I working there. (He only did this because I kept prying into why his whole group left.)

I have been trying to be more positive and I think I have been somewhat better but when you really think of them its so hard when you feel like natures forces in the body are against the situation.
I asked many other numerous questions and at least I felt like he was trying to answer them honestly and I didnt feel like he was trying to rush out on me. Which means a lot.

I cant bring myself still to do anything for them. (i.e, registry, thinking about the nursery) I dont know how I even feel about a shower at this point. I hear about some people doing them after the babies are born in certain situations or even during my hospital stay. But who knows, right now things are just so early and everything is scary.

My migraines have been going absolutly crazy. I mean the worst ever I think. I went and got nerve blocks recently but they prove to not be working. They left me in bed all day Saturday and most of today.

Well, I see Dr. Cassidy on Thursday and back to the high risk group on Friday.

So the picture below is of baby A. You cant see the head very well but u can see how the legs are all the way streched out. So cute.




This is baby B. Much better picture than last week.

Monoamniotic factoids

Hey,
I found thses on another blog, so I thought I would share. My next appointment is Friday and im already getting anxious, so pray for us. I also signed us up for a class on July 23. Its Marvelous Multiples.

Monoamniotic factoids

*Monoamniotic twins are always identical
*Monoamniotic twins are the result of a late splitting egg; one that split around 8-12 days after fertilization
*Monoamniotic twins only occur in 1% of twins
*Monoamniotic twins share a placenta and amniotic sac which means they have skin to skin contact
*Monoamniotic twins are considered extremely high risk because of the risk of cord compression leading to fetal death as a result of umbilical cord entanglement
*Monoamniotic twins are always delivered by C-Section
*Monoamniotic twins are usually delivered between 32-34 weeks gestation because the risks of staying in utero are greater than the risks associated with a premature birth
*75% of monoamniotic twins are girls
*inpatient monitoring at viability yeilds the greatest success rates