Today my life changed.

It was April 25, 2010 when we found out. It was a Sunday morning and then I knew my life would never be the same. I was so excited to tell Adam. I went and made a sign on our piggy bank that read "Baby's college fund: Only 18 years and 9 months left to save." Adam didn't get it. He just thought I was telling him that we need to save money. So then I had to pull out the pregnancy test so he would know what I was talking about. He was speechless and excited at the same time. We didn't really know how to react yet.

We decided not to tell anyone until after the first trimester so we knew our baby would be safe. I had already seen so much pain with the two babies who didn't make it in my family. I didn't want to have to put anyone through that.

The first person I ended up telling was Nicole Barney. I needed someone to talk to and since she was pregnant I knew she could help. Plus, I got a prompting that I should talk to someone and she was the first person who came to my mind. She was very excited for us. I miss her and her wonderful support being close by.

I have been such a worrier through this whole process. I'm always thinking negatively but what else is new, I have tended to do that through my whole life. I have this horrible idea that if I expect to much then I will just be let down. I don't know why I'm like that because I certainly wasn't raised that way. And Adam has been about to beat me because I constantly am worrying if our baby would make it or not.

The last few weeks at work were crazy too. People tend to notice if you went from planning a family to not talking about it at all. So some would ask questions like, are you pregnant yet?..Hows the baby coming along? and it is all I can do to keep my mouth shut and change the conversation before they would find out. See I also had this thing where I would never deny I was pregnant, I felt that was bad luck. So I would just change the subject. Well, there are some people I couldn't hide it from at work. Its funny some even recognized I wasn't drinking coke as much and I had replaced it with Ginger Ale and crackers.

Yes, this was all before telling my own parents. What a daughter I am! But I had my reasons, I wanted to tell them in person. So, on Mothers Day I told my mother and father. They were thrilled. Dad had been asking for awhile when I was going to give him a grandchild. I was glad they were so excited and happy.

I have had lots of morning sickness and let me tell you, it defiantly isn't just in the morning. I have also had a bout with headaches. But the cramping was the most worrisome. My first appointment wasn't scheduled until 5/20/10. But with all of the worrying I decided I needed to see them sooner. That leads me to today.

Today is 5/13/10 and this was the new day that changed my life. My appointment was at 1:30 and Adam was able to get off to be with me. I was excited and nervous. For some reason I thought they might get in there and that nothing would be there. Yes, I told you I was a worry wart.

I went to have my ultrasound and the technician already isn't to personable and she was very serious. Well, she gets in there and starts asking me weird questions like, Did you do any fertility treatments?, I'm like no, I'm a little young for that. And she just kept getting a surprise look on her face or yet worse a worried look.

Well, she then proceeds to tell me that I am pregnant with TWINS. She reports that they both have a heart beat. However, she said they are really close together. She then proceeded to say she was going to have a physician come in to see the ultrasound. She came in and reported the babies are from the same egg and look to be sharing an amniotic sac that hasn't pulled apart yet. She said they are still very very early to tell much of anything at this point but will probably need to be followed closely.

My heart sinks...first two babies..and now they are too close together for comfort. I then go and meet with my OBGYN. She confirms that there are two babies and that they are the rarest form of twins that happen next to conjoined twins. She reports they are really early to tell much at the moment but that she would like me to have an ultrasound weekly for the time being. She said this would look for viability and positioning. I learned that I was now a very high risk pregnancy. She said there is a high risk of miscarriage and pre term labor ..along with other factors. She said I wouldn't be safe until the babies reach viability. My heart sank and I burst into tears. I automatically just felt like I was doomed. She then pointed out that I should be hopeful that they do both have heart beats right now and I'm showing no other signs of complication. She also said," The best thing you can do for your babies is have hope." This is so hard, I went from being worried before this appointment to a load of worries that now things were serious. My babies will have to thrive and grow in one little area, sharing everything. This terrifies me. All, I can think about is how am I going to make it through this, my heart truly ached inside and I feel like I'm drowning.

I came home and had to call my mom and my brother and sister in law to let them know what what going on. My mom is an amazing support, she told me she was going to be optimistic all the way and very supportive. My brother had something great to say, he said there is no reason to be sad because nothing has happened to be sad about yet. Isn't that such a marvelous and brave way to look at the world. I want so bad to have nothing but hope for these babies, I don't want them to feel like I have already given up. Its going to be a long and hard road but I need to make it through.

My husband is truly an amazing man. I don't know what I would do with out him. He is my rock and keeps me sane. He has such optimism that everything is going to work out and has already started planning stuff for the two babies. He is an amazing person with such good hope and faith that things will be okay. He said these are our two little miracle babies. I love him.

I'm going to have to take things day by day. I will do my best to have hope and faith. I don't want to give up on my babies. I will see them again next Thursday, and I hope there hearts will be stronger and they will have more definition in between them. Pray for us!
I love you my babies, already with all my heart. I promise I will fight to the end for you and not give up. I promise I will have HOPE.